In Nigeria, domestic violence has become the cankerworm that is eating deeply into the nation’s unity. The effect of this menace can be seen in the high rate of divorce cases that have sprung out of our society for years.
Domestic violence as the name implies is a pattern of behaviour in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change the behaviour of the other partner. The physical violence includes: assaults, battery, pushing, cutting, burning, injuries, biting, slapping, punching, choking, pulling the hair and pouring of acid.
The abusers may feel the need to control their partners because of low self-esteem, extreme jealousy, difficulties in regulating anger and other strong emotions, or when they feel inferior to the other partner in education and socio-economic background.
Some partners with very traditional beliefs may think they have the right to control their partner, that women aren’t equal to men. Also others who may have learned this behaviour from growing up in a household where domestic violence was accepted as a normal part of being raised in their family while some partners believe that violence is a reasonable way to resolve conflict between them.
Domestic violence has become a serious issue in the society now with many women starting to speak up on the abuse they have suffered while with their husbands and in their matrimonial homes. Many women have lost their lives to this domestic violence while many have suffered attacks of pains and emotional trauma as a result of the constant battering they receive from their spouses. While the men who beat their wives have been called demons and beasts as a result of their actions, it would be wise for us to carefully examine this issue and put the blames where they ought to.
The society should stop painting the men as the bad ones, while they have been called beasts, it would also do us good to consider the role of the women who made the men turn them into animals with their constant battering and beatings. Please do not get me wrong, domestic violence is bad and no woman should have to go through it. It is a terrible experience that may have an everlasting impact on a woman’s mental health.
Below are some of the reasons why women are considered to be a major cause of domestic violence:
Non-challant attitude: Most women who suffer domestic violence must have somehow seen the signs while they were dating their husbands. But many women prefer to live under the false impression that the men would change or they are probably madly in love with them. Love is not aggressive, it is kind. Love would not hit you hard and make you lose your mind. Some women have been hit by their partners during courtship, yet they make up excuses for them and still walk down the aisle. A man who beats you before marriage could kill you as soon as you become his wife.
Thirst for materialism: Some women do not want to live within the means of their husbands and end up bruising the men’s ego. They are too sophisticated for the men they are married to and confront the men with this point. Some women make their husbands feel worthless while addressing him as one who cannot live up to expectations. Attitudes like these could frustrate anyone and bring out the beasts in them.
Infidelity: It is not appropriate for anyone to cheat within the clause of marriage; the society promotes men as philanderers who cannot be checked as a result of their sex. This could hurt a woman and also push her to explore that option too. Do not ever mock your husbands by committing extramarital affair. Your body was meant for only your husbands.
Unchecked utterances: Women are known to be loud most times with many nagging every little chance they have. Certain words spoken by women also annoy the men and could make them go beyond their limits. The tongue is a sharp sword; some use their tongues to bring down their husbands and make them depressed. Do not use yours to destroy your home. Although this is not a justification on the men’s part, it would be wise for the women to steer clear of things that may birth trouble in that marriage.
Constant criticism: Most wives have a habit to nag about almost everything. Wives who constantly criticize their husbands for all the things that they do wrong, but would hardly be appreciative of their good deeds. This makes men feel that no matter whatever they do, it is never good enough for their wives.
Complain about everything: Some women constantly complain about not having enough to fulfill their selfish desires just as some find faults with everything. If this is not checked, you are just telling your partner that he is not good enough for you or that you are not happy being with him. Some women go as far as doing this in the presence of family and friends and even take pride in doing it. The sooner you accept that your partner is human, the better for your marriage. There is the possibility of complaining once in a while, but it should not become a lifestyle.
Disrespect: When a woman does not respect her husband as the head of the family, and goes as far as making it obvious to his/her family, friends or relatives, it conveys a message that the man has no say over her. Sometimes, your attitude towards your spouse might throw him further away from helping out in dealing with certain issues in the marriage. ##### to be continued
EDITH NSE FRIDAY