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The Waterfronts Parliament: DO OR DIE SUBSIDY

“It will soon be 2012 and I definitely do not like the threat of Civil Society Organizations, CSO. Who do they think they are, for goodness sake? And to think that Ann Kio Briggs, a woman for that matter, answering bricks or cement or blocks, is with them. Can you imagine? And which is worse, she is from the Niger Delta, the same Delta the president of the nation, Dr. Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan is from! Now that is something serious.”
It was the busy mind of Angaladikibo, the Watcher of the Mangroves that was rioting. When his mind starts to riot, it matters not whose ox is gored. It goes on and on until boredom takes over and he tires out. That was exactly the case in point as he sat along with the People of the Waterfronts in their Parliamentary Hall, waiting for the appointed time to begin their deliberations on the silly ways of the People of the City.
The People of the Waterfronts have just heard the news, sweet or sour, that is not the point, that a group of civil society organizations, met with the great grandson of Odumodu, he of the Goodluck fame, and a daughter of the soil was with them. Now what did she and her colleagues tell the President? “We made him realize that withdrawal of fuel subsidy is not transformation. We were all unanimous in rejecting the withdrawal of fuel subsidy. But we said if the government remains adamant on the withdrawal of fuel subsidy we will go back to the streets to protest”.
Now it is this part of the whole story that really irked the People of the Waterfronts, who ordinarily, bears all things with equanimity. Why should a woman agree to be in the streets? No, the People of the Waterfronts can not accept that and so they were really worried that a woman they have identified with will go into the streets.
Another thing that worried the People of the City was the news that the President promised to look at their points. You and I know that a promise to look at their points simply means what it means, a promise to look. Don’t forget, a promise to look does not mean agreeing with you. He can simply look at them, assuming they are written, or even of they are not, and simply go his own way. The promise is fulfilled. He never said he has heard and will consider them.
Now what are the points they raised against this seemingly do or die implementation of the subsidy removal in 2012? Femi Falana, I don’t like the sound of his name. It sounds like someone finalizing something, said the list of over 138 beneficiaries of oil imports has suddenly been trimmed to about 42 who have depots and that if a clean up of the system is done, the fuel subsidy can be affordable for the country. Can you imagine! Just what does he mean? They even went ahead to ask the president to learn from the withdrawal of subsidy for food items and commodities in the 90s and that today, Nigeria is spending trillions of naira to import food items. He suggested that since neighbouring countries like Senegal, Niger, have refineries which are operating below capacity, Nigeria should refine its crude oil at lesser cost from these neighbouring nations, pending the time it will fix its refineries. Odunodu! Is Falana insinuating that a giant like Nigeria could not make its refineries work and should beg the neighboring dwarfs for help?
The People of the Waterfronts were so annoyed with the suggestion of Falana that they nearly moved for his impeachment from the civil societies organization. However, they cooled their hot temper with a glassful of the local white brew each, despite their rule that it must not be taken before the appointed time to begin their deliberations.
Olisa Agbakoba, a member of the group and a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) for that matter, asked the government to look inward to fund its projects. Tell me, were they looking outside before? Is the removal of subsidy not happening inside? He went on to suggest that from shipping alone, Nigeria can earn N7 trillion per annum. Now how can he say that when the whole issue is about that loss of N1.3 trillion? He even went further to urge the President to learn from Barrack Obama who is taxing the rich to save the middle class. Surely Agbakoba is out of touch. He does not realize that this country of ours is for the rich alone who can afford even N500 per litre of fuel to run their generators throughout the year.
The cheek of it was that Ann Kio Briggs, a woman for that matter, had the guts to tell our dear president that his own people, his own dear Niger Delta people, cannot afford to buy fuel at between N120 and N150 per litre and that there is a high unemployment rate in the Niger Delta which will be compounded by the withdrawal of fuel subsidy, the consequence which she said was predictable. Just when did she begin to predict things?
The People of the Waterfronts thought of the silly ways of the People of City as they patiently waited for the appointed time to start their Parliamentary deliberations. They thought of the civil society organizations demand for the immediate reform of the economic and financial crimes commission, EFCC and the Independent Corrupt Practices and related offences Commission, ICPC, without sparing sacred cows and a drastic cut of the jumbo allowances of the government of officials, especially that of the members of the National Assembly. Surely, talking of a cut in the allowances of the honourable legislators is an induction that the CSOs are not on ground. The lawmakers should move a motion to impeach them.
The Oldman of the Waterfronts got up abruptly. It was the appointed time and the ancestors must be called upon to take charge of the deliberations. His left hand stretched forward to grab the bottle of the local white brew, while his right hand went for the little glass cup. He filled it and began his call on the ancestors.
“Odumodu, great ancestor of the People of the Waterfronts, he who dwells at the domain between the land and the sea, take and drink. At the evening of your departure to the world beyond, you drained your precious blood and stored them beneath the Mangroves, which are your bones, deep in the mud, your flesh. You knew that some day it would become the precious revenue earner for your people. However, the People of the City chanced upon it and ignorantly called it crude oil. You spat at them and since then their lives have been crude. Take pity, Odumodu, their crudeness is impinging on our happiness. Take and drink.
“Otumo-Ogugu, Favourite of the Maidens, he who goes in and out of the Maidens, detecting the unfaithful ones, we call on you also. Take and drink. Join your co-ancestor, Odumodu to drive sense into the People of the City. Let them understand what is called love, which means living in accordance with the Almighty. Let them know that love is what makes everything beautiful in life. Love gives strength, love gives you the ability to feel for the other. Let them know that love is the grace that makes you understand life and that whatever or whoever you are at this moment is a gift of love.
“Osokolo, another Favourite of the Maidens, he who pursues the Maidens out of the Waterfronts, take and drink also. Assist to make the People of the City trace their way back to normalcy”.
The Oldman of the Waterfronts ended his libation, filled the little glass cup again and poured all into his mouth and then allowed the bottle of the local white brew and the little glass cup to go round the hall. They all took a glassful each.
“People of the Waterfronts,” Injibabo, the Fisherman of the Waterfronts, began to speak as the bottle of the local white brew and the little glass cup returned to the table.
“People of the Waterfronts, I greet you all. We all know that ordinarily we should all prepare to hail each other just a few weeks to come, with Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. However, with this issue of fuel subsidy removal which is fast becoming a do-or-die issue, everyone dreads to enter the new year. If it were possible, we should postpone the coming of the new year to avoid compounding our problems of facing epileptic power supply, bad roads, no pipe-borne water, high cost of feeding and insecurity in the hands of Boko Haram. Since we cannot avoid it, we must all endure it.
“What is facing us presently is this news about a lady heading a gang of armed robbers and terrorizing innocent citizens. Can you imagine! A lady for that matter! What is happening? Just as we are talking of that, news came in that a 69 year woman from far away Palm Springs has been arrested after her husband reported that she tried to cut off his penis with a large pairs of scissors. Again at Florida, a woman has been accused of firmly grabbing her husband’s testicles and holding it for about two minutes during an argument.
“People of the Waterfronts, what is happening?”###

By Kenneth Amabipi
0803 668 7846
Email: kennymaps@yahoo.co.uk

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